........is a problem everyone knows about – the implications of being open!
Whilst the doctor’s backup that yes this is a real problem doesn’t offer a fix for depression it did reduce the guilt and liberated me from trying to keep up appearances. Informing colleagues is useful as is letting someone at each of the churches know – it gives a reason why I might not be up to something and people can be supportive and understanding.
But once something is ‘out there’ in the community grapevine then just like on the internet you no longer control where it goes, how others interpret things and how many people know.
I missed sitting in on an ecumenical service on Friday, perhaps a comment is made and someone who knows explains that it is because I am not well. And so it seeps along. For the past few days as I see someone in the street, or when I got to church on Sunday, I hear ‘how are you?’ or ‘are you feeling better now?’
It is meant well and I know that, but it leaves me unsure how to respond. Depression, like other chronic issues, doesn’t lend itself to the ‘get well soon’ and 'yes getting better thanks' approach. Maybe this is one of the reasons people struggle with how to support those affected, what do you say?
But back to what I say in return – ‘plodding along’ is a good one for any occasion, and at the moment I have the useful ‘Doctor’s changed my tablets so a bit wobbly til they settle’. That allows for the sense of things not being too good at the moment whilst also hinting at a why. Saying ‘I’m a bit low at the moment’ can lead to kindly followup enquiries about why, ‘been too busy?’, ‘pushing yourself?’ and apart from depression not having nice neatly classified reasons, I just don’t feel up to the extended conversation.
So for now if you see me and ask how I am doing I will appreciate it, but can I just acknowledge your care and interest and we’ll leave it there. I’ll talk a bit more when I feel more up to it.
Meanwhile, how are you?
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