It turns out this retreat place has wifi, so here I am, retreating for a while from the people I am on retreat with – suffering social overload. It was great to have a lift and not to have to drive, with concentration or navigation to worry about but the flip side of that is 3 hours of conversation – which is a big jump from just the occasional interaction once or perhaps twice a day which has become the norm for me at the moment.
Tonight we were asked to listen to a section of Psalm 139, the one full of images of God knowing us, holding us, creating us. We heard the opening verses and in silence encouraged to reflect on a word or phrase that jumped out at us.
For me it was the phrase ‘you hem me in behind and before’ – I have always seen this as part of a sense of security, along with later lines about God’s hand holding us safe. But taken alone the phrase sounds negative, containing, restraining, smothering perhaps. But then I wandered off on the word hem – tidy edges to clothing, and began to think in terms of boundaries. Boundaries are essentially neutral as a concept – but can be seen positively or negatively, definitively negative if you are a teenager pushing at them.
On the positive side boundaries create safe spaces, and define edges – in ministry we live with a lot of fuzzy boundaries, and they do get frayed at times, so maybe we need a neat bit of hemming in our lives?
Linking that with my desire to be seen to be capable (= trying to be more than) maybe God is hinting at my need to accept his hemming me in. Not to stifle me but to protect me – from myself!
So much resonates,a time of increasing demands/responsibilities at home alongside the tensions of a new appointment,I sense the fraying edges and yet want to maintain the 'capable' image, Lord hem me in before and behind.... Thank you for the insight and prayers for your continuing journey.
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