Why is the phone so scary?
It has been the case for me since before I worked at an office. Being there made it clear that I actually avoided phoning out if I could help it. I used to wait until those nearest me in the open plan office were on break or lunch before I phoned a customer. For some reason I feared that I would mess it up, and didn't want any witnesses to that. And as for the need to call one of the engineers on their mobiles when as well as the usual fears they may be driving and answer anyway (before the no phone and drive rules), my anxiety was so high.
Answering the phone was a different matter - it had to be answered in 3 rings so no time to run the fear through my mind, just had to react and cope. Strangely enough it was always ok. It has struck me again how I am much more comfortable with text or email and how I have to pysch myself up for a phone call, and am relieved to get an answerphone! Even when it is people I know well...
Why is that? I think it has to do with not having the cues from face to face yet a phone call has the immediate 'now' impact - my first response, the risk of foot in mouth, not my carefully worded, and able to revise before I send, message. Yet I am comfortable in the moment with the face to face, I am known to 'busk' sermons - well brewed but not spelled out in words until I eyeball the congregation. Part of the calling out anxiety is that I am interrupting people, demanding their attention in that moment, and who was I to do that?
I have changed in so many ways over the years, especially since my breakdown and the rebuilding after that. But the deep avoidance is still there - given a choice I will always prefer the written than the phone. It can be tricky at times when dealing with people who are the opposite - who avoid the written form because it is one way and prefer the to and fro of the conversation even if on the phone.
Should I be over this, or try to? or is it just a part of who I am?
Actually it has been impeding my work, I put off calling to see how someone is, saying I will wait until I see them face to face - but knowing that time eats away at that possibility. A 5 min call once a week would be so good for people to know they are remembered and thought of, and I would feel less guilty about the visits that don't quite happen.
If I could just be braver about picking up the phone...
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