A week since...

... I realised that I needed to seriously consider time off, that I was not ready to go back to work after my holiday leave.

In that week I have -
1) crossed wires with my boss who was disappointed that I hadn't told him that I was struggling before Christmas. His role is one of care for colleagues - it is different to say your manager in the office, although even there they are supposed to be able to respond to personal issues, but probably only when it gets to affect your actual work. I had shared with colleagues nearer to me after all.
2) had a really useful doctor's review, changed meds and received orders to go to the gym
3) officially signed off work for 3 weeks
4) signed up for the gym, and been back since!
5) slept lots but not always at night
6) begun to face up to being not the superwoman who can still do stuff despite depressive waves, but being fragile in my wobbles. Only begun though, lots more to do there.

So quite a full week considering.

And today? Well a call last night from the tenant of my flat (well the bank's flat) that the electric shower has died, so I thought I would face a day of chasing things up, but in the end one phonecall to the local electrical firm and now I sit and wait for them to visit and send me a quote. So the morning was in bed with iplayer type telly rather than dashing arond which was good. My legs were also feeling tired from the gym yesterday, and it was according to The Plan a salsa DVD day which I finally got to before tea. Useless, I can't co-ordinate to follow it!  I didn't have to think with the treadmill yesterday, just keep going.

I am also planning to break my leave tomorrow - an opportunity to speak to a high school RE class, this is a new thing and true to my need to be in control I couldn't find it in me to cancel this bit of my diary. I had the plan for what I was doing so no big prep stress, although I have just had an email from the teacher to say the school are dealing with a tragedy, so I may well offer to stay around if that is any use to them. (A bit of a Rev moment when a routine school assembly becames more profound - though unfortunately not watchable at the moment)

In part I would say that it may turn out to be very timely that I - as someone not a staff member - can be around if people need to talk.  Or is that another symptom alongside not being willing to cancel the class visit, that shows my need to be a fixer and a doer, and letting my projects and opportunities become my special babies I am not good at letting go of.

But those are deep thoughts for another day, for today the fact is that it is 10pm and no sign of the queasiness, enough tiredness to sleep when I go to bed, and I didn't have the new shower stress I feared, so a good day.