Retreat: Giving thanks...

I am thankful for having lovely churches to work full of caring supportive people.

I am thankful for the support of colleagues, but who also give me room to grow and develop as a minister.

I am thankful to serve in interesting communities that really suit who I am.

What has brought on this counting of blessings? This retreat is for those who are fairly new to being ministers and the experienced ones whose job it is to see us through this stage.  This involves us sharing stories over lunch and in the lounge, some who were at college together catching up, but also getting to know new people. Some have more challenging churches or work in difficult contexts, others I know here and elsewhere are facing serious personal or family issues. And so I stop and give thanks for all the wonderful things I have in my life, and wonder how I would even begin to have the strength to face some of the things others live with.

I love being in the place I am, I love working with the people there, no rose tints – we all have our moments – but I can’t imagine being anywhere else at the moment. The job I do gives the flexibility that allows me to work to my strengths and work around my weaknesses, the small town communities where day to day needs are on the doorstep, the space for me to be.

Such reflections could lead to my traditional guilt about ‘making a fuss’ about my struggles when others have it so much worse - right from being bullied in school when it was ‘only words’ not as bad as being beaten up, and then depression when so much is good in my life.  But I have joined a gym, and the other day I noticed something important.

In the gym the machines are in rows, a couple of treadmills in the front facing the walls with the TVs, behind them are the cross trainers – scary looking things, and behind that are the bikes. When on the treadmill you are in your own world, not really aware of others in the gym behind you. On the bikes you can see them, see the ones who are running fast, and making your brisk walk that felt like an achievement seem minor.  It is so easy to be distracted by others or feel what you are doing is insignificant in comparison – but thinking that and watching them can get you out of rhythm on your own exercise, and my achievements are no less then when I couldn't see the others.

I have had to learn over the years that my wobbles and struggles are equally valid as those others face. They may be different in size but it is not a competition, as in the gym it is about me facing my challenges, as others face theirs. Yes on a wider scale others face greater struggles, but that doesn’t make mine unimportant in my little corner of the world, and it is ok for me to acknowledge my needs and celebrate the improvements. A lesson still in the learning, and some times I remember it more easily than others.

But in the midst of my own battles I can still give thanks for that which is good.