Less sick leave, more like convalescent leave

It feels very stange to be on sick leave now when in many ways I am better than I was in  the weeks leading up to Christmas when I was managing to work.  It is part of the feeling awkward about not working when there are things I would be up to doing.
(Covenant prayer line 'let me be employed for you or laid aside for you' comes to mind)

Afterall I am here blogging, I go out to the bank, I even went to sign up at the local gym – on doctor’s orders, not my own volition.  On sick leave and off to the gym everyday – people get spied on by benefits checks for such things.

But then Depression isn’t a physical thing as such –although it does have physical effects, and according to those who have been in touch  with me this physical exercise wil be a Good Thing.

But back to feelings about being on sick  now rather than at the start of my crash. As well as the reassaurance of others that I am doing the right thing, and knowing it in my sensible bit of brain, I find this image helpful -

Imagine you are cycling along (I have to imagine as I can’t stay up on 2 wheels) and you reach a downhill slope, on the way down you have momentum,  you are still on the bike, and steering like mad, although aware that gravity is in more control than you are. As it plateaus out at the bottom, you heave a sigh of relief that you made it in one piece. There is no hurry there although it’s a grim place to loiter. You think that the worst is over when out of the fog you see the  path ahead is an uphill climb, the quick route is far too steep, but the steadier climb might take a bit longer, and still need you to get off the bike and push for a while.

So just because momentum and gravity enabled me to stay on the ministry bike on the way down doesn’t take away the need to get off it in order to climb gently up.

See I understand the logic and need, just that when I read of others facing bigger challenges I feel guilty of making a fuss over something much less. 

Anyway I have a couple of weeks with permission to do nothing but climb up a bit, rest a bit and climb some more, rest some more, whilst others collect the bike and dust it off ready for me to get back on again.  And with the new meds and push to exercise maybe I may be better off at the end than before the downhill ride.