Last week was particularly hectic both physically and emotionally so reaching the pause button today It has all ganged up on me. I still have the poster I used to have up at my desk in the office job several versions of me ago 'I try to take one day at a tine but several have attacked me at once'. Pretty well sums up today most of which was spent in bed with tired body and tired brain. Mostly that is my chronic fatigue reminding me that I need rest, but it does things emotionally too - as does a few glasses of wine after a stressful week. On one hand it relaxes me to sleep but also have a depressive effect of its own.
Today my limbs have been leaden and brain cotton wool. It was due to be a study day so only one thing on the agenda and I knew they could cope without me - didn't fancy my reactions speed on the road. But as night draws in I feel the loneliness. Part of that is reality - being home alone when feeling poorly sucks, and this job can feel lonely too; but part of it is the depression whispering. But what ever the cause it is real for the time it lasts, and if that time is when friends are busy at work it isn't great.
But I hold onto what I always hold onto - 'This too shall pass' maybe by morning, maybe not for a week, or even longer, but it will pass. I regularly drive across a high common with views into the valley where I live. Sometimes on that upper road you can see the mist and fog settled in the valley, down there I can't see my hand in front of my face, up here I see that the sun still shines. So I remember that in the valley - out there beyond this temporary fog the sun still shines.
And now I lay myself to sleep
I pray O Lord my soul to keep
Whatever I face when I awake
Guide me through for your name's sake
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