A touch of heaven - pt 2, breaking bread

Part 1

I have been to a number of shared meals here, some shared by church folk after church, one after a funeral, and some inviting the community to share.  All of them have been on disposable plates, and either buffet or queue past the servers.  All very practical and utilitarian, and it seems America has not really grasped the eco message in a disposable world.

But here at the Wednesday Welcome Table serving nearly 500 people in 4 sittings - practical things have been laid aside for dignity.  We queue to get in, but then sit at laid tables with cloths,  real plates, cloth napkins, and servers come to the table. The salad and rolls are already on the table and we pass it around, conversation begins with Howard next to me, in the midst of the busy noise of the hall's echoes.

Today it is stroganoff  and the servers greet us as if they haven't done this for two sittings already, and with another to follow.   It is not unusual for churches here to have Welcome Table meals one day or other a week to which anyone can come and no-one charges a fee (though a box may discretely loiter for those who can afford to contribute), and being in the city centre it is not surprising to find the numbers higher.  But the higher the number of people the more likely we are to revert to more practical serving patterns, queuing past a hatch etc.

The decision to treat the meal as restaurant style, the rarity of real crockery in a disposable culture, the 100s of napkins that need someone to put them through a washing machine every week, these lift it beyond providing people's food need, to something that greets individuals as valuable people - whether they sleep on the street, have a home and a hard time, or are a visitor who can afford to be on a trip from abroad.

There was communion in the service that I went to later but as the pastor leading this adventure said in his welcome and notices, they have church upstairs and downstairs.  And there was for me a real sense of


communion in the breaking of bread, serving of salad and enjoyment of stroganoff.

PS. Dogs were welcome too, to come in and sit under the tables at one end of the hall.  (Across my visit I got a variety of substitute doggy cuddles)

Part 3

Strangers are friends not yet made...

I have guests at the moment, not people I knew personally beforehand. I have more than enough physical space in the church owned house.

What is hospitality? Sharing the bread we have, actually I get back a lot too, my overgrown garden mown, others sharing the cooking... 

But there is the balance - keeping safe, as a woman alone welcoming the stranger is a serious matter, not to be done without care.

And yet -
I think back to all the times I have lived with people not of my choosing, and often strangers. From university flat allocation to when I arranged a 6 month unpaid 'job' in a church in Australia in exchange for bed and board.  Actually since I was 18 I have only lived alone for 5 years, and with 4 years back at parents that leaves over a decade living with people I didn't choose, people who were strangers at first. Of course some of that was with a locked personal room but I also remember the times that people welcomed me into their homes.  Ok I may have come with references, a student on a placement etc, but I was still a stranger.

And those who care about my wellbeing now were glad of the welcome I recieved in other places. Is there inconsistency there? Not really because then they worried about me going into a stranger's place, now they worry about the strangers coming to my place.  Sometimes those who love you are simply born to worry.

But if by welcoming others I can pass on the grace and hospitality that I have been shown by strangers then that chain of grace can carry on.

Whilst being wise to real risks we must still dare to care.

Let the little children come unto me....

Today I babysat.  Far from a regular occurance and definitely a learning curve for me (coming in from the garden to wash mucky hands don't forget the mucky shoes!!  Redecorated kitchen and hall floors!)

Tomorrow's reading for church includes the bit about Jesus telling his mates off for trying to shoo away the children. They thought they were doing good, the bloke needed a rest not being pestered by kids after all. But Jesus showed that there must always be room to welcome the children.

But would today's children dare to approach? The desperate search for April Jones in Machynlleth this week is a reminder that even small communities are not immune from danger to children and others. A session for church workers on issues of safeguarding children and vulnerable adults reinforced the issue for me this week.

I recall my father's regular response to requests to extend our freedom 'It's not that we don't trust you, but there are other people out there....'  I don't recall ever having a clear sense of what the 'other people' may do but absorbed a general wariness about the dangers of the Big Wide World - in my case confirmed by the school bullies who showed that people 'out there' were a threat. How do we make a welcome but ensure safety, that is where training is so important.  Not just for today's children but also for those who as children didn't speak but are still affected by a corrupt welcome and pretend care.

So to today, babysitting - enabling the family to deal with an emergency situation. What does making a child welcome include? A dash through the downstairs removing obvious hazards, being ready to change my agenda for the day (although managed to do the things needed to be done).  The key thing is that for the time she was here my focus needed to be on her needs and care, getting my tasks done was a bonus.

So in the church, welcoming children of all ages means looking out for the things that might get in their way, recognising that they are there and adapting our ways of doing things to fit around them.  Not that we shape everything around them, I still need to do some grown up jobs, but I needed new ways of doing them that recognised I was not home alone today.

No-one can become a parent, or take on the care of a child without drastic changes to the way things used to be - if the churches what to welcome the little children then we too must accept the changes that they bring with them.  That includes children by age and those who are new to church life, whatever their stage in life.

Will we be the disciples - trying to avoid disruption; or like Jesus ready to welcome even when tired and weary, because these are important valuable people?

Keep calm and carry on...

Why does the fear of facing something generally make it many times worse than it actually is?

So we put off the apparently scary and spend hours agonising over the guilt of the not done, when doing it takes so much less time and stress.

I have faced the overdue visits this week, and after a tough day when the guilt was overwhelming things have improved.  I have confronted my fears and visited all the priority folk.

The fear really amounts to the expectation of some form of rejection for past failure. And given how much I can punish myself, someone else confirming that failure does feel as if it could tip the balance.

But in reality other people don't judge me as much as I judge myself. And if I can fight my insecurity and fears enough to prove it I may find the real them and the real me get a chance to show themselves.

At the village coffee morning on Thursday - when I forced myself there instead of the rolling over in bed finding an excuse not to face people - I found that they offered me pastoral care, I was welcomed, had been missed, and was quickly back in the heart of the community. Today I was welcomed into a home where health had worsened dramatically over my summer of neglect and greeted as if I had been there the week before.

It is frustratring to find that my insecurities can get in the way of me doing what I should - and guilt that I let them. On the other hand it can be liberating to know that the hurdles are all within me and therefore I have it within me (with God's help) to challenge them and change.

So for this week I toast the victories - over inertia and fear - and dare to believe in future successes.

Tainted money?

There are occasions when a gift is offered to the church from a controversial source - today I had one of those calls.  It has triggered a lot of thoughts - beyond the details of this case.

What is 'tainted money' - is there such a thing? Perhaps the proceeds of crime, but what about extending that to the proceeds of sweat shop labour, or the arms trade, or a banker's bonus.

From my reflections through the day I have drawn a distinction between money generated through actions we consider dubious and money given by dubious sources but acquired through undisputed means. 

Accepting a gift from the first could be seen as profiting from whatever dubious actions, and encouraging that action. There are very good reasons to step back from money in this context. Although on the other hand Salvation Army founder William Booth was often challenged about recieving inappropriate donations such as from a major brewery (being active temperance campaigners) or big business and is reported at various times to have commented 'Tainted money? 'T ain't enough money'  and that he would 'wash it in the tears of widows and orphans'. In contrast the Sally Army of today refused the charity funds from the final edition of News of the World.

As for the second situation - and my dilemma today - it becomes a question as to whether money is tainted by whose hands it passes. No dubious process was involved in gaining the money, no-one hurt or demeaned or worse. I am being asked to judge the giver not the money - and who of us should cast the first stone.  I don't vet who may slip a note onto the collection plate on a sunday, nor question how they came across that money.  Yet I am required to seek advice on accepting this gift - knowing the source creates the responsibilty, a need to make an assessment, to consider what being associated with you would mean, the ethical position, the conclusions drawn, the statement it would make.

But you offered it with no strings, we don't have to agree with you, or do anything for you in return.  Just as we are called to offer welcome to any and all without judgement, surely we should we willing to accept the gifts offered to us without labelling the givers as good, bad or ugly. Are any of us worthy or pure enough to bring a gift to God? And yet he welcomes us whoever we are, whatever we have done, and whatever we have to offer.  Surely we are called to echo that welcome and love - and rejecting a freely given gift because we don't agree with you doesn't seem to fit.

In the end it will not be my decision, but that of the church leadership together, and with advice from my boss. But for today it has been the pondering.