Ever since Dickens’ A Christmas Carol was published there has been a name for all those who lack the seasonal goodwill – Scrooges. Characterised as grumpy, miserly, criers of ‘bah humbug’ who are anti-Christmas a Scrooge is poor company for most of the year but especially during such a happy jolly time.
But what about those who are humbug without being a Scrooge? Those for whom Christmas is a tough time because of a missing loved one – to death or feud or .... Those who have to face the stresses of keeping the peace across an extended family whilst producing the perfect lunch. Or those of us with depressive moods.
‘So here it is Merry Christmas, everybody’s having fun’ so goes Slade’s famous song, but as many songs it is wishful thinking. There will be plenty of people not having fun – and not because we are Scrooges, but just because life gets in the way.
Even then it is not an either/or situation, as with the rest of the year we are a mix of conflicting emotions – hence my title of Merry Humbug or Bah Christmas, most of us will have a bit of both in us.
I have found this a hard Advent, not because anything is objectively more challenging or tough in my life but from the seasonal ebbs and flows of depression. Shorter days and insufficient sunlight can bring on Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Even those without depressive tendencies recognise the drift towards lethargy, hibernation and low moods at this time of year – it is not for nothing that so many cultures and religions have their celebrations of light in the depth of winter, that is when we most need reminding of hope.
As I said, this year I have had no sense of ‘Christmas Spirit’ (whatever that actually is) and no interest in planning for it, presents, cards, carol singing – it all feels a chore to be faced, and bed seems permanently attractive. However chores are there to be faced and for me that includes leading others in the church celebrations leading to Christmas.
Last Sunday was Carol services, and for one church the culmination of a project with the wider community. I was involved in 3 services of very different styles and approaches, but with one thing in common – my awareness of God’s presence. God is never absent, but often things get in the way of us sensing his presence in that immediate way. On Sunday, after so many days of growing depressive clouds, the air was cleared, the light shone in and it was moment of such assurance, love and positivity. My Christmas had arrived, the light had come in the darkness and it was wonderful.
A couple of days later and I have descended from that high, well and truly. I am still keener on hibernation than celebration in my SAD fogginess. But....BUT...and super but...moments like Sunday are memories that hold the flame alight even in the dark times, and more powerful that the memories of good times these moments of light glimpsed in the dark are more poignant, more hope-filled, because even there, even here, ‘the light shines in the darkness and the darkness will not overcome it’.
So I may be more humbug than merry this year, but Christmas is still Christmas.
But Saturday is the long wait, we have the hindsight to know the story and look forward to Sunday, to hope, to life. But on that first Easter they didn't have have that, they had the grief, the confusion, the fear... and it didn't look like life was coming, exactly the opposite.