Last Friday I did something amazing, really amazing. Sorry I didn’t manage to save the world, or do something life changing for others, but it was still an amazing act – I went out socially in Birmingham, at night, on a Friday.
Ok so it wasn’t exactly riotous clubbing, but it was well outside my normal comfort zone. I had arranged to go to a gathering where I knew people very little, and that through a web forum. I lived in Brum for 2 years when in college and only once ventured into the centre after hours.
On Friday I socialised, I arrived by train ahead of time so tucked myself into a safe chain pub for food (having found their deals when at conference). In the midst of the after work drinks crowd I found a corner to settle in. In that last half hour before the planned gathering, at a real ale pub down the road, my fears crowded in. Could I talk with almost strangers socially? I mean although I do it every day with work that feels different, it is within my familiar range. Would I manage the complex etiquette of The Round when applied in a largish group? Would I be better off turning and heading for home and my duvet?
Such is my insecurity and fear of ‘not fitting in’ (which then is interpreted as failure or rejection), but I stood firm and turned up. I felt the fear and went anyway – afterall I had already spent money getting there which would be wasted if I didn’t follow through, and I can be stubborn on these matters!
I went, I settled, I even enjoyed myself. I managed to go with the flow, to be able to receive drinks from some and buy for others, to share in conversation without being any more or less odd than any other human being. I then managed to wander through town for a late night train and got myself home.
For some a Friday night out is normal, for some an occasional treat, for me it was a victory over the old insecurities.
Fantastic.
ReplyDeleteIf this had been me, it would count as a massive milestone. And blogging about it puts it out there in black & white to be recalled as something that actually happened if my insecurities came crowding in again in the future.
Much admiration for you.
Simon
It was a lovely evening!
ReplyDeleteI've done a few of these kind of meet-ups now, with people from this particular forum, and a couple of others, and it continues to amaze me how much fun it can be. I've found socialising and being with people who've known me a long lime particularly difficult for the last few years, from being someone who found it very easy, which was a real shock. This has been my way back into finding a social life with my long-term friends - who have all been very patient with me!