Jumping but which way?

A couple of posts ago I spoke about the frogs in the garden who jumped further into the long grass to escape the mower, although the safer space was actually out in the open where my mower was not going to attack any further.

I am a frog.

Today I feel vulnerable, because of a stressful time just over a week ago when I missed several doses of meds in a row, now my levels are low and the crushing lowness and inabilibity to face the outside world is kicking in big time.

Like the frogs I want to hide in the long grass, hiding in a drink that numbs the ache, but that is no good for me in the long run.  I also feel guilty that as far as my role as a minister is concerned I am well overdue a whole heap of visits to folk.  I know why I have been unable to catch up with them over recent hectic weeks, but now I have the time - however I am not there in person only in body. Should I make the effort to offer the bit of me that is available, or care for myself first so that I am fit and well in future weeks? I know that it should be the latter but feel that others would expect the first and feel guilty.

Feeling guilty but hiding at home with some admin, not facing people. I did make myself turn up for a 'not-coffee' with a friend which was hard to do but worth it once there. Then I dashed into the next town for library and co-op visit. I returned to the car with relief and needing deep breaths before I could head home. Not yet ready to give to others in a visit, and managed to send email note out to church stewards to say I am off on leave next week, but fragile this week so sorry if don't get done all I should/want to. 

A big step. 

Maybe I can jump out into the open grass after all. 

And as the meds blip passes all will be well, all manner of things will be well...