Poisoned!!

I am laid out in bed as I write this, feeling weak and washed out after a dramatic bout of food poisoning that ended up in A&E some 40 mins away. When the drugs kicked in and the pain eased I was left contemplating the foolishness of eating the dodgy leftovers with which I had poisoned myself,  put myself through agony and called on medical resources.

I have joked that at least it wasn’t the Sunday before when I was hosting the Chair of District for lunch, but reality is that I wouldn’t have chanced suspicious food on anyone else, be they a big boss or not. Yet home alone I take the risks myself, I don’t care to the same level as I would for others.  This also applies to being bothered to cook properly or eat at the right times, no-one else is affected by my eating routines so no outside forces to keep me in order – just my own commitment to myself, or not.

Self –esteem can be expressed in many ways, but deeply imbedded is the level of care  we show ourselves. We are affected by society pressure to put others first, feed the family before yourself, give your time and energy to those around you – it is not just us home alones who fail to look after ourselves. And that’s before any effect of depression which when fully active sucks out interest in self care.

So was my trip in the ambulance because I was just careless on a busy weekend, because it is too easy to cut corners for myself, or because deep down I don’t care enough for myself to make the effort?

And then there is the question of being ill home alone – at what stage do you call in help whether professional or friends to give an outside view of whether it is serious or to mop your brow? I left it quite late, don’t make a fuss etc. But it is probably more common to make a molehill of a mountain than a mountain out of a molehill.

But that is enough of my musings from last night’s drug induced contemplation alone in A&E.

I’ll just end by noting this is World Mental Health day – and good mental health includes caring for yourself body, mind and spirit.