Today was one of those full of surprises, and one of the surprises was a conversation with someone I already knew but hadn't spoken to for a long time.
It was in theory about something else but she felt the need to begin by stating that she wasn't mad, unstable, bipolar etc. We then proceeded to share stories, she spoke of being ill and in hospital - but only 'for assessment' - and I admitted my own breakdown and use of antidepressants.
Last Monday was World Mental Health day - one of the aims of which is to encourage conversation and overcome stigma. Today's conversation highlights for me how fortunate I have been in my own experience, I have not suffered unduly from the level of stigma. Partly that is a shift in attitudes, but also partly that I am now functioning well with the support of meds and have never been an inpatient.
Had I had my breakdown 50 years ago, as this person did, then things would probably have been very different. And it may be that I wouldn't have been able to take up a job in ministry. Today's conversation is only one I have had about the experiences of people over many years with mental health services and the stigma of being ill with your 'nerves'.
Treatment was very different then, medication much more addictive than current drugs, electroconvulsive therapy was widely used, and insulin comas. And that was before facing the conspiracy of silence and dismissal by the community.
Today's conversation let me into a lifetime of being pushed aside because of mental health issues, and the defensive reaction is understandable. It felt very powerful to be able to refer to my own depression and breakdown - not to claim to understand her experience, but to show that I don't see it as something to be embarrassed about, and not something I will judge others for.
I can be be strong because times have shifted, but if I can offer a belated sense of acceptance to those who have only known rejection, even if only in a tiny way, then that is a huge privilege.
Thanks so much for posting this - it helps us know how far we have come, but also helps us know how much we can say today.
ReplyDeleteThank you for these comments. Being ill 'with your nerves' is a very good way of putting it, although understanding is still far from perfect, perhaps especially in small rural communities?
ReplyDelete'If the Vicar's ill, why did I see him out walking?'
Rural living and mental health is a genre all of its own. Thank you once more