It turns out this retreat place has wifi, so here I am, retreating for a while from the people I am on retreat with – suffering social overload. It was great to have a lift and not to have to drive, with concentration or navigation to worry about but the flip side of that is 3 hours of conversation – which is a big jump from just the occasional interaction once or perhaps twice a day which has become the norm for me at the moment.
Tonight we were asked to listen to a section of Psalm 139, the one full of images of God knowing us, holding us, creating us. We heard the opening verses and in silence encouraged to reflect on a word or phrase that jumped out at us.
For me it was the phrase ‘you hem me in behind and before’ – I have always seen this as part of a sense of security, along with later lines about God’s hand holding us safe. But taken alone the phrase sounds negative, containing, restraining, smothering perhaps. But then I wandered off on the word hem – tidy edges to clothing, and began to think in terms of boundaries. Boundaries are essentially neutral as a concept – but can be seen positively or negatively, definitively negative if you are a teenager pushing at them.
On the positive side boundaries create safe spaces, and define edges – in ministry we live with a lot of fuzzy boundaries, and they do get frayed at times, so maybe we need a neat bit of hemming in our lives?
Linking that with my desire to be seen to be capable (= trying to be more than) maybe God is hinting at my need to accept his hemming me in. Not to stifle me but to protect me – from myself!
