No-one wants to have the worst form of any illness or condition, yet it can be a strange place to have it enough to interfere with life yet being in a much better situation than those you meet on the support forums.
I had this when I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS/ME) my life was drastically limited by the exhaustion that is beyond describing, but because I could still have some life and cope with some activities, because I recovered enough for a steady life, I was considered y some as not really having the condition. Those who were left bedbound and light adverse and facing those who want to dismiss their illness as shirking were very defensive against those who had a form of recovery as they felt it undermined the depths of their experiences, and the burden of 'my friend had... and did.... and all fine now'. To be fair I believe that CFS/ME is a mixed bag of things that have related symptoms and as not understood they get lumped together when different things may be going on.
I have now been diagnosed formally with Bipolar affective disorder. This matches what I recognised when I read about it several years ago. I knew I didn't fit the more extreme form and went through various visits to different psychiatrists (a string of junior psychs who are on rotation so next appt I saw a different one). I was told by one that because I was not sleeping around and/or in deep debt then it couldn't be bipolar, yet the extreme form is not the only form and even then the effects vary massively.
It feels good to have the affirmation of a diagnosis - that what I experience is acknowledged. That is powerful, I still remember the GP visit (after months of chaos and even college arranged therapy) when I came home with the label 'clinically depressed' I was not useless I was unwell.
Yet on the online groups for those with bipolar I am on the mild end of the spectrum, and I feel that I don't belong there as a peer. yet I do live with the implications of my own health and when it falls short. It is a strange place to feel that you don't belong with the very ill but at the same time don't fit with the healthy either.
Of course I am grateful not to face the darkest places that others face day by day, but to be ill but not ill enough is a strange middle place where you neither belong in one place or the other. On one level my diagnosis is an affirmation of my struggles to those I work and live with and explains why I am like I am. On the other hand I feel a stranger to the world that others with the diagnosis live with, and the support I yearn for is not there as I am in a better place than many. It is a strange place falling between two stools.
Look at the way my partner Wesley Virgin's autobiography starts with this SHOCKING and controversial video.
ReplyDeleteAs a matter of fact, Wesley was in the army-and soon after leaving-he discovered hidden, "SELF MIND CONTROL" secrets that the CIA and others used to get anything they want.
As it turns out, these are the EXACT same secrets tons of celebrities (notably those who "became famous out of nowhere") and top business people used to become wealthy and successful.
You probably know that you use less than 10% of your brain.
Mostly, that's because the majority of your BRAINPOWER is UNCONSCIOUS.
Maybe that conversation has even taken place IN YOUR own mind... as it did in my good friend Wesley Virgin's mind 7 years back, while riding an unlicensed, garbage bucket of a vehicle without a license and with $3 in his bank account.
"I'm so frustrated with going through life paycheck to paycheck! Why can't I become successful?"
You took part in those questions, ain't it right?
Your success story is going to happen. You just need to take a leap of faith in YOURSELF.
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