In the psychiatrist's chair

So what would it be like, at the mental health centre, for an appointment with a psychiatrist?  Well standard NHS waiting room and then into a room with a desk for her to use writing notes and a few chairs.

It shows the stigma that mental health has in that in every physical medical speciality being referred to the specialist, a consultant and their team, is seen as a positive step forward in getting advanced focussed treatment. A referral to Ear Nose & Throat, or to the Oncologist or....   but try saying in general conversation that you are off to the Psychiatry Dept.   I have tried to be open about mental health in my life and did tell friends I was due to see a psychiatrist - but then found myself referring just to a hospital appt, or that GP had sent me to a specialist.

I was counting down and hopeful - since the autumn and before my referral I came across information on Bipolar 2 where the highs are not as high but the rest is much the same as Bipolar 1. The definition was a close fit and explained various points in my life, including at college before my grand crash down.  I have been on a peer support web forum and listening to others to see if it still felt a fit, it would explain why the anti-depressants have not had the level of effect hoped for over these years.

Ready for the day, with notes of my history of depressed times over the years, a mood diary from Jan 1st with the chart numbers put on a pretty graph, and hopeful.  It has been a long hard winter of depression, I would have gone to the GP to plead for something else, or a change in dose or... but no point when the psych appt on the doorstep - they will be able to offer something, a new approach, new hope.....

And?

A sensible, take it slowly, possibly bipolar stuff going on, too soon for labels, you are coping with life so no meds yet, carry on as before - come back in 6 weeks with more mood diary.  Disappointed.  Although, whether placebo effect of hope anticipated or the pendulum due to swing, I had headed up in mood a day or so before and that is still with me - so will cope for six weeks. Now where did I put that diary and mood chart?

Gabi writes....

Hi Gabi here,

Just borrowing the laptop whilst she is hiding under the duvet, again.  She has been doing a lot of that lately - I don't think she likes outdoors much this time of year and it is very hard to get her out for a walk in the rain.

I try not to be too much bother, and I don't nag all the time, but I do remind her its dinner time, and she has done cooking with lots of pans a couple of times, though often its just waiting for the ping beep box.

And it may take until nearly dark some days but I do get her out for a walk - I just keep going back and questioning with my head on one side and an encouraging look in my eyes, wagging my tail to show it would be fun.

I know a walk does her good because when we get back she usually stays out of bed doing things for a while, even all evening sometimes. But she doesn't smile, only the fake ones when she hugs me and scratches behind my ears - pretending its all okay.

I do miss my happy miss, hope she's back soon.

Bye for now,

Gabi