on sermons and study

Recently the preacher coming to one of my churches sent me a copy of his sermon (I had asked the preachers to follow a particular set of themes for this church). The same weekend a good friend blogged her sermon on the set readings for the week. As someone who couldn't give you even notes for sermons I have given this makes me feel bad. 

My sermons are products of the deep unconscious processing - brewing - of the week before, and yet I don't spend hours or a day in the study in preparation, and I don't have detailed notes or scripts to show before the event. On the other hand the sermons are cooking throughout the week even if I am not tied to the study desk. And at the start of a new quarter, like now, I make a grid of the lectionary readings and their themes alongside where I will be preaching and I am aware of the cogs beginning to turn from then. 

So are my offerings less? Well it could be seen that way, and I'm sure my sermons could be better for hours of focussed planning and research. But people seem happy with what I offer, maybe the input of  theological studies mean that somehow I have useful insights that ooze out regardless of time spent. Or does that sound too arrogant?

Generally my background brewed sermons that find sentence construction only when faced with the eyeballs of listeners and their reactions seem to meet the needs of the congregations I serve. Yes I could produce better quality, deep and meaningful sermons if I spent hours in the study, but what other things do I set aside to have that time?

I live with limits of energy, others have their reasons too - the ideal may be to study for hours, but ministry is more than sunday, and more than my sermon.

Pain, whinging and life

This week I have been ill. Not the total fatigue with leaden aching muscles and foggy head, nor even the emotional inner agonies and pain (did you know the brain uses the same processes as when physical pain?) - I have experience with them and know their tactics and have some of my own. They are not companions I rejoice in but are like that annoying relative who calls often enough for you to know the tricks about how to cope.

No this was a new one on me - massive nausea. Of course I have known nausea before, but never to this extent, for such a prolonged time and uneased by being sick.  I know what it means to be 'beside yourself', unable to find any relief I was metaphorically climbing the walls.  I was wimping and whining about it - and being home alone that poured out on facebook instead.  Thank you to those who listened, replied and either gave tips or merely reminded me that I was not alone.  (Personally I favour the flat coke to the ginger infusion, but that's just my tastebuds). And to Sally - Gabi's walking friend.

It turns out that although it might have been a bug the lack of anything but the nausea suggests that it was the missed anti-depressants. I had thought I had another strip of tablets and when found I didn't it was the weekend so had to wait before getting a new prescription.  I have survived that before with no drama, but on different meds this time, with quick withdrawal effects - top of the list being nausea!  I have now set phone reminder and diary note to order future repeats in good time, no intention of facing this again!

Meanwhile now on the meds and nausea gone I am noticing the pain of the shoulder/neck muscles I managed to pull whilst trying to sleep sat up.  It actually hurts a lot and clearly enflamed, can barely turn neck on one side.  With the nausea I barely noticed the neck as sore, now it is the only complainer I can hear it loud and clear.  It is a deep pain and permanent ache, in its own way as strong as the nausea - yet I can tolerate it and I can manage to do things. Well I can think and type anyway.  So what is the difference? I have had pulled muscles, I know it will ease, and its a typical steady aching pain.

Some people live with pain day and night without relief, some people face intense nausea on a regular basis. Somehow they cope, survive, and manage to get on with life moving among us disguised as one of the fit.  Just as indeed do those with depression and mental health concerns.

Adapting to live with pain doesn't mean the pain isn't as real as when rolling on the floor in response to it, and as this week has shown - knowing how to live with one type doesn't grant any extra tolerance to different kinds of pain when they come along.  We all have things that will turn us to wimps, just as we are all incredible strong in other areas of our lives.

Teenage Exorcists - BBC3

There is a certain type of programme that I find myself attracted to whilst repulsed by it.  Tonight's BBC3 programme 'Teenage Exorcists' is one of them. 3 young American girls in Buffy style attacks on the work of Satan encouraged by the father of one of them who has a long history of work in this area.

Their approach to exorcism is to provoke a response, insist demons name themselves and how they got there, generational rights etc and it seems it requires a lot of shouting and the waving around of silver crosses or Bibles. All this in the highly staged and hyped expectation of action.

Now I am not going to get into the seeing demons under every stone but there is a pastoral issue,

There was story of the young woman convinced she is under a curse, and that conviction being dismissed by her local church she had watched clips of these folk on youtube and saw them as the only answer - but when she met them for a private session was disappointed to find that the threats to the demons caused no response in her. Nor did she react at the public meeting later, despite being assured that if the words were spoken then curse had been broken, the lack of what she considered the proper response in her made her go away convinced it had not worked.

Then the former chaplain whose ME type symptoms she saw as a spiritual attack -  she 'manifested' in the meeting and had the full casting out treatment.  She left convinced that she had been exorcised of her demon, and went into the future with a new confidence, and restful sleep. The reporter referred to catharsis.

How would I or my churches respond had either of them come to us for help?

When I began as a minster before any baptism or even a funeral I was asked to help someone who was anxious and disturbed by a sense of a presence in their home. Calling on a colleague we visited, listened and prayed through the house followed by communion.

No hype, but no dismissal of a person's concerns either.  I am open to the possibility of spirits interfering in our world, but believe in a God who is bigger and doesn't need a stage show or silver crosses to make a difference.  But for the other 99.999999% of the time I want to take someone seriously, hear the anxiety and pray it through whatever the cause.

Is it spiritual healing, therapy at being acknowledged and taken seriously or the placebo effect? I believe during my years of being a minister there will be cases of all 3 or any mixture between them.

And then there are times when someone should be referred to medical support - how do we help someone to accept that suggestion without dismissing what for them is real nor colluding with their interpretation when it needs to be challenged?

How do we care for the agitated soul?

The power of storytelling ...

Last Sunday we welcomed a new superintendent minister to our oversized circuit, as the senior minister there to support us, encourage us and when necessary chivvy us along his first week has included a whistle stop tour to the 3 areas to meet the staff teams.  Friday was our turn here in the south area and so we gathered at Ludlow for this meeting about meeting.

With no business to deal with, other meetings booked for that, it was a time where the new boss told us some of his background, his story. Then we each offered what we chose to of our stories. Stories we may have had hints of or snippets, but which we hadn't ever sat and shared together before.  It wasn't a planned teambuilding activity just the way the conversation evolved, but it was one of the best team meetings I have been in. We emerged closer to one another, knowing something of each others journeys, struggles and high points, and even finding high points in the midst of the struggles - and glimpses of God.  It left me feeling very positive about the year ahead and our work together.

Meanwhile along with all other Methodist ministers I have received the request to tell other stories, stories about difficult times we have known of, that the church may face her past, deal with unanswered wrongs and learn to be better in protecting the vulnerable.  The Past Cases Review is gathering into one place knowledge and memories of safeguarding issues across the country and across the years. Stories that may not have been spoken aloud before, stories that may have been silenced in the past, stories that need to be heard; but also the reopening of stories that people had laid down to move onto new stories of hope and life.

This will be a difficult time for many, but storytelling is powerful. It can break down barriers making strangers into friends, it can bring truth and light where it is needed, it can set prisoners free.  But it is risky, it is the opposite of hiding behind armour and shields, it is daring to lay bare our souls - in small ways and big ways depending on the tale to tell.

Tomorrow the reading in church is the letter from Paul to Philemon - a letter about risk taking.  These were days of slaves and masters, a runaway slave was lost property, and if recaptured was due punishment for fleeing. Paul sends the runaway Onesimus back to his owner, but pleads for forgiveness for his, in the legal terms of the time, crime. Paul was asking a lot of Philemon, but it was Onesimus that was taking the risk - his story was laid bare, and how others reacted was out of his control, he had only to trust in Paul's telling of the story, his story, Paul's own, Philemon's and that of Christ.

Storytelling - powerful and vulnerable, risky but potentially world changing.

Think of those who are being asked for stories in the Past Cases Review, and for those entrusted with holding the stories and responding to them.

To what am I called? Called to be....

I have been intending to get back to here for a while, life has been busy.  Summer events at churches, demolition and rebuild of a kitchen at one of them! Don't worry the professionals were involved so the new wall will stay up - but we are painting ourselves....   Then family visiting and wonder of wonders - I have excavated the archaeological site known as my office/study.  Many things were unearthed on the journey to find the floor and locate the desk.  I am now attempting to keep the clutter down by actually using it, rather than the rest of the house, so the chair can't be a dump zone as sitting on it etc.

From spending more time there I have rediscovered this piece stuck to the noticeboard. I wrote it back when I was in college training to be a minister, but during the difficult and painful year after my breakdown when trying to find if I could still be a minister, as far as God and the church were concerned and if so what kind of minister would I be whilst wrestling with depression.

I think it speaks to others in ministry too, of all kinds, and also to other roles of life with a change of a few words.

Calling

To what am I called?

    Called to be a minister

    Not to do ministry - though I will

In a hectic, speeding, work hard, play hard world

Called to be the stillness

To show another rhythm

Making God spaces.

To what am I called?

    Called to be a disciple

    Not to do churchy stuff - though I will

In a world that wants all the answers and wants them now

Called to be on a journey

            Following and learning

Step by step

To what am I called?

    Called to be - simply be

    I am not what I do - though I do much.

Whatever the world may expect or demand of me

Called to be who I am

In weakness and strength

In giving and receiving

I am God’s

H Roberts, May 2008,

‘Uncomfortable Presence’ conference on impairment in church life,

Sarum college, Salisbury