Going grey on page 3!

Social media gets a lot of flak but it allows for sharing of ideas and the Depressed Cake Shop is one of those ideas that is growing like Topsy.

On the first weekend in August (or other convenient times in some places) watch out for a new pop-up cake shop, the same yummy mix of cakes but with one thing in common (well apart from calories) - the colour grey.

The brain child of Miss Cakehead it is all intended to raise the profile of mental health issues and the lives of those affected, to break through the silence that harbours the stigmas that get in the way of people asking for help.  The grey portraying the dull and negative feelings around depression and other conditions, but many of the cakes will be brightly coloured and full of flavour inside - the reality of hope, and the person beyond the clouds of depression. Profits from the shops going to locally chosen mental health support charities.

It started off focussed around the UK but people from around the world have now captured the idea and shops go from California to Kuala Lumpa with volunteer bakers both amateur and professional.

 Now I am not a great baker, but I know a good visual aid when I see one so with a stand at the High School fete approaching, already provided with Time to Change resources, I joined the ranks of those mixing up grey icing. Ok so mine was going on shop brought cupcakes and biscuits, but I planned on giving them away not charging so I think I got away with it. 

It was a really good opener for conversation - instead of 'have a leaflet' it was 'would you like a free cake' and then a reaction or comment about the greyness led on to why and the wider issue of mental health support within the community.

And it got me, the cakes and the whole issue onto page 3 of the local paper... (not the best look after an hour or two of stifling heat!)

With others trying to find ways to support people in our community we will be popping up again on Aug 3rd at Tenbury Countryside Show.

Do you want to be well?

Last month at the Bible study group on John's gospel we reached the section where Jesus visits a gathering place of the ill and infirm and asks one of them if he wanted to be well.

This question came back to me this week at my counselling session. A roleplaying way of releasing the emotions from the school bullying which is the root of my emotional self doubt and fears was suggested as 'treatment' from next week. Being in a Christian context faith and forgiveness would be drawn into it too.

My reaction was not good, the confidence the counsellor has in this being a way to free me from the emotional burdens felt simplistic to me. I know that the insight about how it affects my thinking has enabled me to challenge the bad self talk, I don't mentally leap to ideas about being a failure, useless etc I mentally know better. However the emotions still go through the cycle. That is partly why I was hesitant about more talking therapy being any use especially if based on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, training my mind I felt was not likely to add any tricks to deal with the emotional reflexes.

This proposal of my counsellor feels uncomfortable, is this the reaction to a challenging request, to the thought of putting myself back in time emotionally? Or is it my sense that the concept feels too straightforward to be real?

Jesus asked the man if he wanted to be healed, he didn't rush with an enthusiastic yes but tried to explain why he hadn't got to the healing waters in the past 30 odd years.  Jesus told him to stand, pick up his bed and walk. Just get up, so simple and yet so difficult, to believe enough to try, to move those muscles withered by unused for many years...  'Do you want to get well?'

Do I want to get well? In the midst of the darkness and lows yes of course I want to break free, but in the better days, when depression is just a light limp it feels so much part of me, like shoes that have formed around your foot from regular wear. Do I want to be well? Do I want to wipe out a part of who I am?

Not sure yet what my response will be at next week's session with the counsellor, do I dare to do this in the hope it will take away the times of pain, doubt it will have such impact anyway, or decide that whilst I am happy to get emotions better managed I am not yet ready to let go of this part of my identity - maybe out of fear of what, if any, identities might be left afterwards.

Ordination Sunday - a year on

This weekend I was in the big city, and this time I don't mean Kiddy!  All the way to London and back, the national Methodist Conference is there this year and I had a ticket for the ordination services. The main Conference worship at Westminster Central Hall was brilliant. Opening with a young girl guiding us in a chant of the opening of John's gospel (In the beginning was the word) that others led into a cascade around the great hall. The later drama on the chapter was excellent quality but a bit overlong.

Conference worship can be played here - only seems to be working on Chrome

 

The dramatic retelling of Moses aka the 'Father of freedom' talking to God aka 'the Great I Am' was very meaningful to me and made me reflect on what seeing God's back but not his face might mean in practice. Now don't try logic with this next bit, I know it doesn't work, but these were my thoughts in the service. We see God's back as we follow, we see where God has been as he has passed by us, but we don't  see where he is going to be next. We try to predict but instead we should follow, not for us to dash along trying to get alongside or ahead of God. Let him lead the way.

 

That was a service that inspired and refreshed me. The ordinands were gathered and received into 'full connexion' with the Methodist Church. (That is they and the Church signed the dotted line with each other, ordination later in the day being to the worldwide Church) worship was creative and used the space well. The evening ordination service was another matter.

 

This is always a more formal affair with set order and hymns year by year but there was an additional formality at Wesley's Chapel. I am definitely more for the informal approach. The presider was someone who I know can be informal, I once renamed him in an embarrassing, to me, incident at college worship. However he is old school and in a long service rattled through the communion prayer with little action or inflection. It takes time and logistics to serve a full place but we could have waited for the last few and for the remaining bread and wine to be returned to the table before finishing.

 

The ordinations themselves were moving and strange to watch when I have been there myself. And the sermon was better and more memorable than at my ordination last year. Ministry may leave us bewitched, bothered, and bewildered in many ways but the promise is always Jesus saying 'Peace be with you'.

 

We were due to have been in London last year but were diverted to Cornwall. It may not have been at the grand prestigious venues but my ordination was in the heart of a local Methodist community who unused to hosting  such things pushed the boat out in welcome. It was a shared celebration. Given the choice I will always chose people over place, and not just because they gave a better  'do' though they did!!

(Ps written on the train with my new toy tablet and sync'd to the computer to post #emerginginto geekdom)