Bless this mess

I’m back. Between being busy keeping head above water whilst the depression waves crashed around me, and a week without any computer at all, it has been quite a while. I am not going to attempt to catch up on all the blogs themes in my head that never got written so straight into life this week.

Lord bless this mess ...but save me from it!

TV shows invite us into the homes of extreme hoarders, those who cannot bear to be parted with anything until there is no room to move in their house.  I don’t suffer from that and yet I know some of the emotions around being overwhelmed by the chaos, finding ways to try and block it out and not wanting others to know.

I live in mess, abandoned paperwork in the office dumped there from time to time in an attempt to clear out other rooms because visitors are expected. The accumulation of post, shopping, notes and work on all surfaces and some sections of floor throughout the house is overwhelming at times, ok all the time. No it maybe that others live in the chaotic cluttered places too, but I guess the question is how it affects us and whether it is in charge of you or you of it.

Anyway, on Thursday I invited the 3 members of my support group into the manse – without cover up under the carpet attempts. I wanted to be honest, I wanted to cry for help but it was very scary and I felt so vulnerable. It was a moment of admitting that I am not coping domestically, not coping as a person...   It was a soul baring moment.  I have been drained all day today.

Next wed they are going to come and help me start to sort things and get back to a baseline, but I know that is just a start – I need to break habits and that’s what scares me more. I’d have to face up to the things that are in the way of me coping and at the moment hiding under the duvet is all I feel up to facing.

The mess around me represents the mess of feelings inside.