It is 10 days since my car nudged another as we both rounded a bend on a country lane in opposite directions. Since then I have had to get used to a hire car with too many gadgets, and try to negotiate a pile of different strands of paperwork.
What happened to picking ourselves up and brushing ourselves down after minor incidents of life and being grateful for what didn't happen? In the midst of the hours of phone calls repeating the details a leading question about a stiff neck triggered an unwanted stream of paperwork about my 'personal injury claim' complete with medical appointment dates. It seems however many times I say I am not injured and have not authorised a claim file being opened I am not heard - finally on Thursday, a week after the event I thought I had got through to them in words of one syllable that I did not, do not and will not be pressing a claim for a non-injury. Even then I had a call back on Friday to ask why!
I am resigned to losing no claims and that it is an accident that will be split liability - or knock for knock as some call it. it seems the other side is hoping to claim otherwise. Friday's post came with a copy of their paperwork, they have opted for the injury claim and in their version of the story make it my fault rather than a 'just happened'. On one level they would say that wouldn't they? And my insurers were clear when I called about it that it would be 50/50. But that didn't stop me going off into a wobble.
It triggered my 'useless' wobbles, doubting myself as a driver, about my decisions, feeling at fault for even being a share in an accident - in other words feeling a failure for an imperfection. It gets in my head and circles round and round, feeling poorly with a cold brewing didn't help me fight it. Round and round until like being dizzy you can't sense which is the right way up. And then you get the feedback effect of getting 'useless' wobbles for getting the wobbles in the first place.
Today although being full of cold and tired I don't have the big wobbles. A night of sleep, and a new day with sun shining have made a huge difference. And the fact that those are enough to calm the wobbles show how much better I am than a few months ago when I had to go off work.
I just wish the wobbly days didn't come - but maybe to lose them would also be to lose the high days too, the excited moments, the inspired moments. We only know the pleasure of the sun's warmth in contrast to the cold; or the cool of the breeze as relief to burning humidity. Still Don't like the cold mind you!!
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