Well I survived the time with all those teens. It was part of a pilgrimage day and I had asked to walk with them rather than just arrive at the venue - I needed to warm up to the idea of being with them, and begin to have some understanding of the people I would be talking to.
Despite lots of mental practicing - including in my sleep - I was a useless ramble at the start but then got into a flow. I explained that talking to them was hard as had a tough time when a teenager, that sure some of them find things hard too. I took the phrase 'schooldays are the best days of your life' and unmasked it as a lie. For some they may be the worst of times, and even for those having a good time it makes it sound as if it is downhill from then when actually a whole life ahead of them.
I said that it had taken me years to get over the bullying and learn to be okay with who I am and encouraged them to use the idea of a pilgrimage space to think about who they are - not who others wish they were or they dream they could be, but who they actually are.
I explained that in all the difficulties of my journey I have had a sense of God holding me through it all. I ended with a prayer and used the Open the Book assembly wording 'I'm going to pray and if you would like to make it your prayer as well just say Amen after me' - but being teens added 'silently in your mind'!
I hadn't realised how much the teen fright would hit me in the moment - standing there with all of them, teachers, and the head! Some were giggling but I kept going. Afterwards as they were filing out I lifted my hand and it was really shaking.
The organising teacher said that when I started she thought 'this woman hasn't a clue what she is doing' but that as I went on she felt I was spot on for the mood and the point they needed to hear. Another teacher commented about how attentive they had been, I said some had been giggly, and her response was that some of those were the ones who were listening but couldn't be seen to be.
So raw edges, not an oratorial success but relevant and good for me to have faced and survived the hurdle. Walking and talking with them gave me the chance to meet them as individuals, and eavesdropping on some of the conversations reminded me how tough it is at that age - even when not bullied. In my teen years I was so busy surviving I didn't have time to notice how complicated a time it was for everyone else. I wouldn't want to go back to that time and don't envy those going through it.
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Sunday, 26 June 2011
Wednesday, 22 June 2011
Back to teen angst.
Being a minister is a strange job - every day is different, this week I will be talking to a large group of yr 10 pupils of one of the local schools. It is part of their RE class and I am to talk about the spiritual life. I could do a profound presentation on the christian spiritual tradition, but instead I am going to talk about the spiritual life of the Weeble!
Basically I have very few positive memories of being their age, I was a misfit, bullied through primary and comp. As a teenager I tried to rush into being an adult, and I am grateful for the coping strategies I developed in sealing me off. The alternative route - trying anything to be accepted - could have led me into some seriously damaging paths.
Not that my own survival plan didn't leave scars - I left the barriers up for so many years that I failed to learn how to be me or to be with others. It is only during counselling following a full depressive breakdown a few years ago that I had to dig myself out from behind the then collapsed walls.
Since then I have been a woman with a mission - to let people know it is ok to be one of the wobbly ones. We all are in some way or another at some stage in life, but because society and stigma discourage us from talking about problems that are emotional or relational we often carry things alone when we could be helping each other along.
So back to the 14/15 yr olds - my spiritual life has been shaped like the rest of me by the tough stuff in life, my faith had its ups and downs in that but at the depths I found God was there too. So that's what I want to tell them about spiritual journeys.
Basically I have very few positive memories of being their age, I was a misfit, bullied through primary and comp. As a teenager I tried to rush into being an adult, and I am grateful for the coping strategies I developed in sealing me off. The alternative route - trying anything to be accepted - could have led me into some seriously damaging paths.
Not that my own survival plan didn't leave scars - I left the barriers up for so many years that I failed to learn how to be me or to be with others. It is only during counselling following a full depressive breakdown a few years ago that I had to dig myself out from behind the then collapsed walls.
Since then I have been a woman with a mission - to let people know it is ok to be one of the wobbly ones. We all are in some way or another at some stage in life, but because society and stigma discourage us from talking about problems that are emotional or relational we often carry things alone when we could be helping each other along.
So back to the 14/15 yr olds - my spiritual life has been shaped like the rest of me by the tough stuff in life, my faith had its ups and downs in that but at the depths I found God was there too. So that's what I want to tell them about spiritual journeys.
Tuesday, 21 June 2011
Welcome to a weeble's world
As my first blog entry I guess I can get away with saying almost anything because no-one knows I am here!
Why a weeble?
I had these egg shaped characters as childhood toys, specially weighted they can not fall over - or at least they don't stay down. I remember the slogan 'Weebles wobble but they don't fall down'. I live with depression which ebbs and flows in it's own peculiar seasons, and have other wobbles too. The weeble is a positive image of survival, but an honest one too - we do wobble, and sometimes we will fall down, but that doesn't mean we always stay down.
Why 'wonderings'?
I was a curious child, always looking for the why or what behind the surface view, I was a wonderer and this blog will be a home for some of my wonderings.
So who is this weeble?
I am a 30 something female church minister working with rural British churches, I enjoy crafts and creative things, I dislike housework, lawn mowing and gardening in general. That will do for now - more will emerge as time goes on, and as I said I don't expect anyone to be listening yet!
Why a weeble?
I had these egg shaped characters as childhood toys, specially weighted they can not fall over - or at least they don't stay down. I remember the slogan 'Weebles wobble but they don't fall down'. I live with depression which ebbs and flows in it's own peculiar seasons, and have other wobbles too. The weeble is a positive image of survival, but an honest one too - we do wobble, and sometimes we will fall down, but that doesn't mean we always stay down.
Why 'wonderings'?
I was a curious child, always looking for the why or what behind the surface view, I was a wonderer and this blog will be a home for some of my wonderings.
So who is this weeble?
I am a 30 something female church minister working with rural British churches, I enjoy crafts and creative things, I dislike housework, lawn mowing and gardening in general. That will do for now - more will emerge as time goes on, and as I said I don't expect anyone to be listening yet!
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