‘
So it must be a busy time of year for you’
(actually not as much as you think, and not as busy as so many non-church people)
Cartoons of clergy counting services
Newspaper articles about
expectations on clergy at Christmas
Comments from a minister about relaxing by still being in
dressing gown after 9am
Facebook debates about how ministers might use their time
and would we change our pattern if Jesus came tomorrow.
Yep - its Christmas....
Season of clergy performance anxiety and competitive caroling - but only if we let it
I am a minister, I am a person,
I live with a dog but no people, I live with times of significant
depression but not beaten
It is a great privilege to be a minister – the nature of the
role and the opportunities to be with people and in the community is a big part
of that, but I also recognise the great privileges it gives me in living my
life.
Between risks of fatigue illness and the ebbs and flows of
depression I would struggle to channel my work and focus into the preset hours
demanded in most jobs out there, I don’t think I would be able to sustain it
week in and week out and hold down such a role.
Ministry offers me the freedom through large parts of the week to flow
with my body and soul, to not be up and dressed by 8.30 am when the sedating
effects of medication still linger, or to send out emails after 10pm because
that is when my brain is functioning best that day.
I have the privilege to not need to measure my contributions
in hours or busyness, though this can be a challenge with the temptation to
reach beyond normal hours. I have the privilege to have learned from my health
limits about how to live with what I can, and who I am, and I have largely conquered
the urge to feel guilty.
Last Christmas I was on a roll, with energy and possibilities,
learning the patterns in a new place, this year the rollercoaster is on the
down dip, dragging myself to the carols and visits feels like ploughing through
thick heavy clay. I am there for what is
needed, even smiling – then home to hide under the duvet, my charging method.
Doing this means it will pass, the path lead upwards again, and my energy and
activity increase.
I am deeply grateful for the privilege of a life as a
minister that allows me to offer the fullness of who I am but in a pattern that
allows me to fully be who I am. Others
find the same for different reasons, around family needs, different
personalities, so many things.
So no I am not going to compete about how many Christmas services
I will have taken, or worry about whether I write my sermons from under the
duvet or not. I will boast though in
taking care of myself so that I can continue to serve, and I will fight off all
guilt inducing comments whether they are intended to be or not.
After all God was not in such a hurry that he didn't have time to come as a child and wait the years to grow.....
________________________
On this topic I have posted a
reflection on being vs doing from a number of years ago
